Gorilla Marketing No Longer Allowed

My kids are in a Christmas play at a local community center. My wife and I gave a donation and in return get a 'thank you' in the program.

Being the constant marketing professional - I make the donation (from my pocket) in the name of one of the radio stations in our cluster.

Looked pretty cool in the program - and a few people I know at the show came up and thanked me for having the station support community theater.

Damn I good.

Flash forward to Monday ... first call of the morning (never a good call)

SUIT: Aren't we in a marketing freeze?

ME: Sure are ... got the memo ...

SUIT: What the hell is this ... a station ad in a kids program? Who authorized this.

ME: Nobody - I paid for it. My kids were in the program. I paid cash and gave the station credit: pretty cool, huh?

SUIT: You can't do that ... how will it look?

ME: Good? I've had more people asking me about the station today than the last time we spent a quarter million on TV ... pretty good ROI - huh?

SUIT: Now we're going to have every kids Christmas pageant calling and asking for money.

ME: Send 'em to me. I'll buy an ad

SUIT: You can't buy for one of our stations ...

ME: Am I being punked?

SUIT: Punked?

ME: You know ... like Candid Camera.

SUIT: I don't have time for jokes ... the calls are pouring in.

ME: Send them all to me. My wife and I will buy ads in all of the programs.

SUIT: Suit yourself.

Nobody ever called.

That's how bad it's gotten on the inside.

** Turns out the suit had a kid in the play too **

Stupid Criminals

My station has a feature which involves local "no-bodys" who get to come-in and be a part of the show. A good portion of the people think they are fooling us because they try to use the time to pitch something they sell (or their kid/spouse/relative/ is selling). We know that and have fun with it.

This morning seemed normal. Lady who makes gingerbread houses ... and could it be coincidence ... she would make one for you in time for Christmas. Honestly, I have never had so much reaction - so many people wanting her number. Not for her gingerbread houses - to collect over-due bills. She is a deadbeat!

One of her suppliers had sued her and she got out of the court apperance by having her doctor order her into "severe" bed rest becuase of a bad back. Yet here she was ... live in the studio ... walking by her own power ... carrying gingerbread paraphanalia. Turns out he wasn't the only one. I got FIVE more calls from people who were looking for her.

Rather than be supponned, I turned over audio of the show to anybody who needed to prove she was not home on bed-rest. I have this horrible feeling of what probably happened next: She get's home ... fills out her Arbitron diary ... then gets supponned to be in court that afternoon ... leaving her just enough time to ERASE my station mentions from her diary and put in my direct competitor.

C'mon - you've got to have a screw loose to participate in the ratings!